Love, Lies, and Loss: The Rise of Romance Scams

Gary Perkins, CISO at CISO Global

Euphoria Exploited

Love is one of the most powerful emotions, and the desire to find that one true connection is universal. But for some, this emotional high comes crashing down when they realize they have been scammed. Romance scams exploit the human need for connection, leveraging trust and affection to deceive victims into giving money, personal information, or even becoming unwitting accomplices in fraud. These scams have been around for years, but with the rise of online dating apps, social media, and AI-driven deception, they are more sophisticated and widespread than ever before.

The Anatomy of a Romance Scam

A romance scam begins with a seemingly innocent introduction—perhaps through a dating app, Facebook message, or even a direct text. The scammer creates an attractive persona, often using stolen photos and fabricated backstories. They engage in conversation, quickly developing an emotional connection and making their victim feel special. They may share personal stories, dreams of a future together, and even say, “I love you” within weeks or even days.

• Dating apps and websites: A “perfect match” who seems too good to be true.
• Social media: A friendly stranger sliding into your DMs with compliments and interest.
• Emails and text messages: Unsolicited love confessions from someone you’ve never met.

Then comes the request. At first, it may seem small—help with a medical bill, funds for a broken phone, or travel expenses to visit. The victim, feeling invested in the relationship, sends the money. But it never stops there. The requests grow larger, often accompanied by elaborate excuses, tragic emergencies, or threats of dire consequences if financial help isn’t provided. Victims have lost thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars, only to discover that the person they loved never existed.

The Devastation of Being Scammed

The emotional toll of romance scams is devastating. Victims often feel embarrassed, heartbroken, and isolated. Many keep the experience secret, afraid of judgment from friends and family. But these scams don’t just steal money, they rob people of their trust in others, their self-confidence, and in some cases, their entire life savings.

One heartbreaking case involved a man who lost $143,000 over three years, believing he was supporting a woman he loved. She fabricated reasons to request money, including medical expenses and travel costs. Each time he hesitated, she pulled away emotionally, only to return with reassurances of love—just enough to keep him invested.

Donna, a widow in her late 60s, thought she had found love again during the COVID-19 pandemic. A rugged man on a dating site bore a striking resemblance to her late husband, making it easy for her to let her guard down. Over time, he wove a tragic story—stuck overseas with no way to return home, needing money for medical emergencies and travel expenses. Before she knew it, Donna had sent thousands of dollars. When she realized the truth, the betrayal cut deeper than any financial loss.

How Technology Enables Scammers

In the past, people relied on phone calls or in-person meetings to confirm identities. But today, even video calls are no guarantee. Scammers use deepfake technology to create lifelike videos, mimicking real-time interactions. AI-generated voices and fake social media profiles further blur the line between reality and deception. These criminals are highly skilled at social engineering, manipulating emotions to get what they want.

Seniors are particularly vulnerable. With fewer digital literacy skills and a greater likelihood of isolation, they are prime targets. Banks recognize the dangers, but they are often caught in a difficult position—respecting customers’ privacy while trying to prevent fraud. Some scammers coach victims on what to say to their banks, making the story seem completely legitimate.

Red Flags

Romance scammers rely on secrecy, urgency, and emotional manipulation. Here are some warning signs:

• They claim to live or work abroad and can’t meet in person.
• They avoid video calls or claim their camera is broken.
• They quickly profess love and want to move the relationship forward fast.
• They ask for money for emergencies, travel, or investment opportunities.
• They request payment through cryptocurrency, gift cards, or wire transfers.
• They try to isolate you from friends and family, making you feel like only they understand you.

If something feels off, trust your instincts. Scammers create a false sense of urgency to prevent rational thinking. Be skeptical – love shouldn’t come with urgent financial demands. Take your time and verify before making any financial decisions. Never send money to someone you just met and especially to someone you haven’t met in person. Listen to your bank – if your bank is suspicious about potential transactions, take their concerns seriously.

Victims of Romance Scams

If you suspect you or someone you know is being scammed, take action immediately:

1. Stop all communication – Cut off contact with the scammer and block them on all platforms.
2. Talk to someone you trust – A fresh perspective can help break the emotional hold of the scam.
3. Report the scam – Contact the dating site, social media platform, and local authorities. Report the fraud to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and Homeland Security Investigations (HSI).
4. Check financial accounts – Monitor for unauthorized transactions and consider freezing credit reports if personal information was shared.
5. Educate others – Romance scams thrive on secrecy. The more awareness we spread, the harder it becomes for scammers to succeed.

Love Shouldn’t Cost You Everything

Romance scams are proof that love, when misused, can be a powerful tool for deception. As Valentine’s Day approaches, remember that real love is built on trust, honesty, and genuine connection—not secrecy and financial demands. Be cautious, be aware, and most importantly, look out for your loved ones. Love is worth finding, but it should never come at the cost of your security or well-being.